Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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