Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
