I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
