I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
