im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
jump out the window naked night went bad
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
