Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I believe in your delicious
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
