its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
