do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize