i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
