I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
