grandma shit on top of the toilet
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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