So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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