3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
