I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
