we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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