Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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