I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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