so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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