he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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