Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
