the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
