You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
