Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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