The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
