This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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