My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
