the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
