is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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