Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
