Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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