its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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