i don't plan on having that self control this summer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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