I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
