Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
