u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
