its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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