I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
