Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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