the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
