Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
