we have pet lesbian snakes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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