If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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