it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
