Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
