I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
