im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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