ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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