Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
