So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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