if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize