I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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