i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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