This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize