im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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