If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
