im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
