I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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