So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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