once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
