you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
