Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
