hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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