I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
