My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you would pick up someone in the library
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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