College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
