I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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