There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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