I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just want to make out with him forever
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
