was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
