Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
