Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
