why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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