Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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