After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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