How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
