i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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