she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
