Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
