I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
