tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
