I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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