please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I touched a dick in church today
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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