and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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