Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
