I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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