Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize