I faked an abortion last night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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