I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
