K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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