I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
