Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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