Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
